as I log into multiply...I realize how much I miss the campus days.... the days when Arrow was juz one... & not split into two. Surfing & dropping by many Poly Cluster cgls, coaches & even my team's multiply...brings back so much memories...

with so much uncertainties in my life right now...all the rough patches in 2007...
...the start of a new job... innocently shifted up to YWA by someone who is not my friend right now...which I was supposed to move only after the camp...upset as I was, during my transition blues, I told that person off...who doesn't seem to realize it wasn't something I fancy...doing things without my permission. in the end, I allowed that person to take advantage of that situation & apologized...The person kept backing out at the last minute with me. So much so, I doubted her. She didn't even apologize to me...Right now, even as I apologize to her, she doesn't wanna forgive me...

During Arrow Adventure Camp, Coach Joanne shared that an apology doesn't have any power if a person juz doesn't choose to forgive...Violence was involved during the Cluster Challenge that Coach Jo had to share something like that. But it was timely for me as well. As Coach Jo, asked the people to stand up & apologize to one another... & accept one's forgiveness. She didn't nudge. I didn't want her apology. I juz wanted her forgiveness. She is not willing to talk to me anymore.
But it's okay, Jesus has forgiven me... & still loves me alot...I looked away & cheered myself up with the fact that Campfire's next on the program list. Yes, if you've guessed it & know me well enough, I sat with my Student Campers. I juz wanted to be different, & not be with the Camp Servers...I was quite a rebel, "a naughty girl" in that area...I didn't wanna be with the Camp Servers, simply juz because I don't feel happy with them...I kinda think I was being unreasonable, but seriously, at that point of time, I couldn't give a rip. Because my reputation was at stake, nobody knew what was going on through my mind, but I really, many a times, during the camp, I wanted to give her a slap across her face...or when holding the pole, just take it & wack her unconscious. But no, I choose not to. Imagine, if my name gets famous & flashes across the main church, rock auditorium for assaulting a girl older than me, banned from church & WANTED by the Security... If it was the old me, in sec sch, I probably would have done it. Maybe that's why, Zheng Fu, fellow server who was sleeping on the opposite bunk of me during camp...guessed that I was an ex convent girl. Said my look, & I probably would have guessed, my behavoir...If I lost it during the camp, I would have given that wretched girl a slap across her face. But each time it happened, as Coach Jo shared, I prayed in tongues...I am not gonna be guilt-ridden juz because of that wretched girl. Like c'mon what's that wretched girl to me? Jesus worth much more... I somehow could feel heat rising up on the inside of me as I saw that girl's face in Audrey's facebook, one of the camp servers & also HER TEAM members. She was being so annoying during the camp, she kept saying "EVENTS TEAM GO TOGETHER LEH!" Kinda figured out she did that on purpose, she spoke to every fellow camp server except me & really put me in a difficult spot. She offered insect repellent to every server except me. Until I got bitten really badly (cuz nobody brought the insect repellent out to a nearby field, except her - nobody would have thought so) I requested to my leader that I wanted t'go to the bunk, cuz at that point of time, I had increment of tension as I was really very near her...& the skin irritation was quite bad...I don't know why but I kinda regretted serving at the camp... & thought I should have stayed within civilisation to go for RSM Amazing G'race or juz go for the camp as a camper, not a server. All these, wouldn't have happened, if the person didn't shift me up to YWA. But I believe I was not short changed, Daddy God will bless me with even more...fun fellowship & events...I enjoyed the last day though... ALL THE COOLEST PRAISE & WORSHIP CAMP HOT SONGS were played by the Arrow band (Sandra & the guys) ...

Realizing the songs I've asked Daddy God for...
FOR CAMP SONGS to be played 'tiz year...
ALL CAME TRUE
- God is Moving
- The Bling Bling song
except
- Run With Fire (with the human choochoo train formed by Arrow)
oh wells, we end up doing Feliz Navidad with a choochoo train, so it ain't that bad after all.
& a randomized song that was on my head while leaving the campsite
- Lord of All.
amazingly, was played for camp.
I kinda figured out I am in the flow most of the time for praise & worship.
GEEZ.

I wanna see myself happy & bouncy real soon, but I don't know, if I will still be sticking around at Arrow. it's quite hard for me to say now...

One of my friend...seems to be feeling down too... & tell me she doesn't be with the cg... told me she feels really left out... & is attempting to church hop... told me not to tell Khai leng, Alex, Jolene or Amy... or any leaders... Then how? Haiz. As I was talking to Qwen, some things are better handled by leaders than us, meh mehs. The leaders can advice them better than meh mehs. Although I've somehow been through what this fellow sis in Christ been through before, I juz don't wanna end up advising her wrongly. So should I juz tell Khai Leng when I meet up with her? It is...such a challenge....