Recently, I've been contemplating a complete makeover.
Apart from hair treatment, I wanna go for facials & maybe, even slimming centres =.=
but I am thinking of doing it, before I leave for Australia (if it's even successful)

A total new life, different person... bet people can't find me that easily too.
I wanna leave Singapore & be alone. Juz working the shyt out of myself.
Nobody to be bothered about...

I still remember when I first came to NCC.
I also wanted to isolate myself out of fellowship.
Because after all the backstabbing shyt that happened in my previous church, talking about my crush, (blablabla) & some problems, spreading the news to my usher leader, man it was like days of hell in a church. I thought it was juz useless being nice to people...

& the next church, the G12 shyt, being judged by the amount of friends you bring to church..
I got fed up...tho, they said I was on the verge of becoming a leader,
I couldn't give a rip... Cuz I felt my friends weren't treated the way they were supposed to be.
"forcing salvation into them" & thus, they got pissed off.
& yes, they hated NCC, and some other church. blahx.

With an utterly disappointed heart...
(and juz amazed at how strife can occur in a church)
I wanted to be in a church where I can go for services peacefully.
(and I thought, it could happen in a mega church)
Stay out of fellowship...
Nobody to be bothered about...
Nobody knows me...
So when Charissa was serving in choir, I went for BS alone.
But well, Kim found me alone in the que!
So in the end, she contacted me every BS.
& soon, I got integrated into Campus Ministry.
I juz knew I should stay out of fellowship.
At least I'll be a nobody attending services alone.
And yes, again, nobody knows me so that people could leave me alone.

I don't know how but somehow my network juz grew very rapidly in NCC.
Looking back, I was juz amazed.
Cuz even Pris Gan can't believe I am in NCC for only 2 years.
She ever said that she was in Arrow for about a year plus, but not knowing much of the people.
I wish I was somehow, like her.
But well, her family is in church with her, so that's a different story altogether.

It's not that I've not been enjoying church.
In fact, the Arrow school of helps, YWA RSM babes have been really nice & stuff.
Oh yeah, we're dominated with girls & only 3 or 4 guys?
But it's juz that too many things are going on,
in order to stop spreading this epidemic disease around,
I should juz shut up & keep to myself...

Blog is a danger.
I can't keep a diary at home too.
I remember how my mum juz loved to open up my diaries & letters.
Yes, I used to even have phobias receiving letters at home.
I never had privacy in my house.
She loves to touch my stuff.
My bro found my blog before...
hell yeah, that sucks. but my bro is a total IT geek.
so do I have a bloody choice?
haiz. I think I'll juz stick to blogging tho, rather than bottling it all up.
else, soon I'll be hitting the clubs, getting bottles of barcadi & in due time, be broke like a mouse.

but heck, well Sunday services, most of the time.
I choose to be alone, and not join the cg.
Maybe soon, after Arrow service, I'll dinner alone too.
I am going to start isolating myself.
I don't know what am I going to say next.
But I feel like a b*tch...

From a not depressed person...
all the shyt happening around me is making me juz wanna be by myself.