Recently, no matter how I rebuke the thoughts of isolation, it juz doesn't seem to be working.
Simply cuz the circumstances are allowing me to isolate myself, sadly.
During my tpcg days, Jon knew whenever I had those thoughts rising up, I always walk away or hide myself from my cg, therefore he always called/smsed me whenever he sensed that I went missing in action.Isolation was a thing that often occurs to me... and yes it comes to me whenever I feel upset...I tend to sit away from people....and juz go missing in action suddenly...

I remember when Bok from Ngee Ann care group spot me at the corner ...sitting on a wooden chair near the rock auditorium, or rather nearer to Wan Yang, almost on the verge of tear-ing (it was during a "family crisis" again) She juz asked if I was alright & asked me to join np cg for fellowship. It was then I realize how fellowship can drive my sad feelings away.

BUT sometimes, when people are too happy... and I really feel those upset feelings coming.
I juz don't wanna be around people...or many... lest it spoils their mood.
So I tend to "run away" ... I don't pick up calls, from my cg whenever I isolate. I sit in one corner & stone/cry.I don't know... but it really seems that only Arrow students leaders can sense it whenever it's happening.

Recently, I have been isolating myself successfully.
Seriously. Is that supposed to be a proud achievement? I don't think so.

Jon was sharing one care group, I guess it was cuz he knew that I had that habit...
about how isolation can be a danger, in life...and it's juz so true...
how much stupid things I've done during my school life when I really isolate, isolate.
And recently, whenever I isolate. I take panadol. =.=
Something that never happened in Arrow students.
Probably cuz I wasn't that bottled up,
I had hundreds of listening ears around me,
which encouraged me to share & not bottle up.

Now it's the other way round. I call/sms someone to ask if anyone if they are free for fellowship so as to avoid isolation. But circumstances, like nobody's free, juz seems to let the isolation come true...And somehow, I juz feel that negativity is getting stronger. It makes one do stupid things...
I really don't know...

Isolation is a dangerous thing. I don't know, but it really sucks when I don't really feel like going out. But like I told some people, my house is not a condusive place to pray or even study. Somehow my thoughts tend to run even wilder when I am at home, alone. In such a big house, with so many idols that used to scare the wits out of me when I was a kid. Not that it scares me now, but my parents hate it when I say a prayer at home. Or even mention "God" ...

Coach Maddie shared with us in Campus Ministry few years back about being SAFE. I can only remember this. "F" stands for Fellowship, how it can help us to stop our thoughts running wild when we are upset. We should be rebuking isolation.
I know it, yet no matter how I rebuke it, circumstances are juz allowing me not to have Godly alliances... or even allowing me to fellowship. SO HOW?

Enemy's playing mind games, not funny at all.