AM I GOING TO HAVE NEW BUNCHA CHURCH FRIENDS?

I can't believe...
After all the shit and trouble...

I don't know.

I just know that I do not wanna change church anymore... I'm sick of church hopping...

I AM BANNED FROM SERVING YES...For the worldly friends out there,
I AM BANNED FROM VOLUNTEERING IN CHURCH.
For something I deemed unfair as.

You wonder, ATTENDANCE? No. I had 100% attendance. I WAS ALWAYS THERE, NEVER HAD LAST MINUTE CANNOT TURN UP MOMENTS AND MY PUNCTUALITY IMPROVED, UNTIL I WAS THERE EARLY LIKE 90% of the time.

Applied for so many ministries, all the areas I am interested in, can't think of any...
no news so far... after so many months...

I still think...

Leader was a PUNK in my previous team. BACKSTABBED ME. ALL THE WAY man, GOT ALMOST THE WHOLE TEAM TO STOP TALKING TO ME. All because of a damn misunderstanding and all the connections she have in church. EVERYTHING for allowing her to be my godsister. Well...No man is perfect ... yes, in the flesh. So SCREW IT. FOR HER, IN THE FLESH. FOR ME, I AM WRONG ALL THE WAY. I get all the blame. I am still barred from MAKING NEW FRIENDS until now. THANKS TO THAT BITCH. So much so, that the epidemic stretched to ARROW MINISTRY's full time staff. THEY ARE AVOIDING ME. How punk?! YES, ARROW MINISTRY'S FULL TIME STAFF ... 1 OF THEM IS AVOIDING ME THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK ALSO. WHAT THE FCUK? IT'S A BRAND!

Tho I admit I had wrongdoings on my part, SHE DID WRONG TOO! SO WHY DO I GET ALL THE BLAME?!

She kicked me out of the ministry WHILE I WAS HAVING A MINISTRY BREAK. Yes, we quarreled on a PERSONAL basis. Nothing ministry matters. IMPARTIAL right, MIX PERSONAL + MINISTRY (GOD's) matter.

Few days ago, I had a frikkin nightmare... GUESS WHAT I WOKE UP, BREAKING OUT IN SWEAT and SCREAMING IN MY HEAD. I was very tired when I woke up.
Yes, the nightmare involved my previous team people. How annoying. Cannot forget the depression they have caused me... The panadols...I have stopped talking about them, for quite some time already...somehow I still feel as though I am haunted by something..
Not many knew about what happened to me in the past. Yes this is my 3rd life, if you wanna consider it that way...

I decided to blog this all down, since I seriously have no one to share all these with...

How badly I wanna talk to someone in church yet
1) I don't know who I can trust
2) I'm just not making new friends....

so no channel of new friends = No common Godly topics to talk to, I am officially out of fellowship, church life down to zero. No fellow NCC-ian I can be around with for I've got 1 friend who's always bothered only with her serving/servers gathering & another friend who is so busy with all her truckloads of work. I am stuck in the old memories. What new creation in Christ lah. Seriously, I am still condemned by the leaders ... Until now, after so long. Seriously, full of shit....
WHAT THE FCUK ya... it's a brand. NON-NCC friends, please don't get the wrong idea. I STILL LOVE MY CHURCH. Not all the leaders are screwed up, but SOME. Yes.

I PUT THIS UP AFTER SO LONG BECAUSE UNTIL NOW, I am still BARRED FROM SERVING, ELSE I WON'T EVEN BE TALKING ABOUT IT.

Nevertheless, I still LOVE MY MENTORS IN RED CROSS YOUTH VOLUNTEER INSTRUCTORS PROGRAM & STUDENT COUNCIL EXCO PEEPS + WHOLE STUDENT COUNCIL!

Media Studies to start tomorow! Lim Kian Lye. Is he good? - Ponders for a second -
So gonna sit with Sham & Ivy Tran this sem! FOR ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD, should we do project together instead.