I bumped into 2 Church friends today... miraculously.

Galilean, near my place and Cai Hong's brother, near my school...

and I'm back to blogging... my outlet, my place...I have a hard time all these while. Sometimes really feel like picking up that phone to call somebody, yet I just brush it off...I can only cry by myself... Who would have known that this cheerful looking, bubbly girl would have so many issues to handle... There's no number to call, no person to find,
I know God cares... but sometimes... there's not even a shoulder to cry on...you know physically...

You watch your friends getting all the favors from different people...leaders, nice treats.

It's a sore feeling...

Though I am happy for them...

I know, I get jealous too but I keep quiet.

One is gonna get a job in church full time, one another working in church full time, one working for JPR... another 2 is already entering her second ministry...
(again)... Losing all my friends, to the ministry...

and I just sit there... sit in the middle of the ground, and gaze up into the stars...

only hoping that one would drop and turn into something real...

Life was never friendly to me...

Rejections after rejections, and rejections never end. I'm still the outcast...

I really wish I can say the enemy's the culprit here, yet I can see that I'm still blaming that somebody. That now, I'm left like this. At times, I can't even lift my head up in church and say hi to everyone like how I used to.

I thought everything have simmered down, but it have not...

I'm still looked upon... as someone... abusive, unhappy and ugly...

I am still judged, by the leaders. But what can I do? I have got no authority. Only Jesus can help me? But when? NOW? PLEASE? I cannot stand it anymore...

Friends whom I thought were friends... walk away...
Friends whom I thought were friends... don't even say hi when I don't...

I felt like an idiot last Sunday when I realized those people were on schedule ...
but thank God some of them were still very nice to me, said Hi and the usual stuff, how are you.
Daniel offered a seat to me, beside Joey. For that, I really wanna thank him.
I was moodily seated alone before that. Partially cuz I was sick too ><

And I almost dinnered alone as well, but I end up going for dinner and shopping with Rachel & Sister Rosalind.
So that's not so bad.
Plus, Sister Rosalind refused to take my money for the food as well..

I know I feel insecured. But I cannot help it. I really feel like crying sometimes...

I want to find back the old me...

The real bouncy, LINDUH... who runs around, shouts and laugh for real non stop...