was supposed to nap 'til 8.30pm but I overshot. Now, tell me about it...

yesterday was quite a mad hectic day...not because of anything else or anyone but because I had only 4 hours of sleep before I went for my Volunteers Instructors Program. I didn't expect it's gonna be that scary, and tonnes of work to do. I wasn't told that there were many extra meetings that really I am beginning to feel I cannot handle it. I thought I just signed up for too many things at one go... and diploma term is gonna start in February, plus I so wanna stay in my Student Council because they are seriously a fun bunch and I like the stuff we do for school and all the interesting homevisits.

I suddenly feel so stressed up, as even though I didn't do much for my Volunteer Instructor Program, it felt like I was doing work after work. I didn't do my lesson plan properly because I don't have any Red Cross Youth experience. Maybe yes, in primary school. But how many donkey years ago was that? Lesson plan format was done wrongly, and now, I gotta redo it again...I seriously didn't know it was that much of work to do, I felt squashed up, because I've got part time work, Media Studies has alot of assignment to do out of the blues and I REALLY wanna stay with my Student Council...

Life is becoming like a mad hectic rush. I just feel so deprived, socially. I feel like screaming for help... Nobody cares... nobody trusts me like before... And I am trashing myself with all the work, fighting a battle within myself internally...

first time feeling this stressed, and it's not even the diploma stage yet.
I start to question, can I handle it?
Not the diploma, but the external activities.

Because I really wanna stay with lasertag and student council, got part time job with VS1 Consultants - gotta do my mock up events for them, plus another part time coming up with Souperlicious! Call me nuts, but yes, I have many part time jobs too. COMMITMENTS, I am going crazy... Although yes I wanna join Red Cross Youth as part of the Headquarters Events, from the workload I am getting, I start to feel whether I can take it or not... =.=

and I feel like dropping church on Sundays as well...

I've got like 2 things clashing today again, everything on my schedule is clashing all the way, I really am going mad... My screams for help are not heard, I really don't find going to church helping me as much as before anymore... People not real, I can't contribute, I am blacklisted from volunteering (because of a darn, freeeeeaking misunderstanding that that bitch made a big hoohaa out of)...Now nobody trusts me in church, everybody's just playing favoritism. From what I hear, what I see... FAVORITISM, everyone.. no wonder I always hear about FAVOR. Thinking about it, I feel so screwed. Going to church only make me feel more and more that I = rejected goods, so what the hawk?!

But, I think I'll just continue t'go, wait and see, how long can I hold out?

Testing with tithing, it works, at least. I am going to give more today.
Even though my parents hate the idea about tithing...
They don't know I tithe, at least..
yes, with all the debts, I AM STILL DOING IT! Wham!

And today, right here right now, I start to wonder whether I am really a Christian or not...
My behavior, the way I act towards people (unloving, because I find this world really f-ed up!), I haven't been praying for quite awhile already...I don't have faith at all and I am indulging myself with all the other activities, finding church seriously such a drag...

bro's back in Singapore and so going for Zoukout. I'm missing the date, cuz it clashes with RCY VIP camp. I WANNA TRY ZOUKOUT. OMG-ish. Pauline da sao is coming back soon! Finally...
Somebody to play with... ??? o.O ...Not really play, supper, yes.

10 December - 2nd MEDIA STUDIES ASSIGNMENT (x2) due date!
12 - 15 December - Booked. RCY VIP Camp.
22nd December - Booked. WORK! - Lasertag deal!
23rd December - Booked. Chen Su Lan Methodist Children's Home Visit with Student Council.
25th December - Booked. Sand's got something's up her sleeve & she's not telling me, saying "I book you first!!" Whatever it is, it must be good.