I will be attending Discovery Workshop as of from 6 Feb 2009.
After being 2 years in the church, then I decided to sign up...
What is it all about? Wait 'til I attend it...
It's also a good thing that I join and when I've got new friends to bring, I know what is this all about! (:

and nung song sarm see haa hok djet bat gao sip! (I'm counting in Thai)
counting down to Performing Arts Ministry Orientation.
I'm excited to meet the fire lighters, the hip hop dancers, the street jazzers, reggae dancers, actors, ALL THE ARTISTES, how the orbat chart will be, who are the leaders and stuff! For that of the leaders I guess most probably will be people like Stephanie, Julina & Amanda (or is she just the admin??) Okay, never mind... I'm probably meeting Jean Lee for the orientation. ONE OF THE ACTRESSES.

I have been feeling rather bottled up recently... I just don't know what to do, what to say, where to go... Amy, my most caring ex care group leader wanted to bring me to prayer and healing room, looking at the state of my face last Sunday... I shake my head a lot of times, after all the questions... I refused to talk, I don't want the same thing to happen, I'm getting phobias of sharing with church leaders... How many times they probe, I hide... I'm like all the way man... I was telling a dear friend on MSN that maybe when I join Performing Arts, no matter how many times the leaders are gonna shove that question at me, "are you okay?" I'm gonna be persistent at saying, "yes"...I can't help it, sometimes my facial expressions changes pretty obviously when I am facing a few challenges....

I think I seriously had enough of all the crap...
People ignoring me, feeling left out, and seeing someone, there's still a "sting"... In fact it wasn't there for awhile, many months already and the incident was in 2007... But this time when I see her, there was... So I wonder, am I sinking down or what? When I saw her in the same queue number as me, I refused to go there... I feel really bugged... It affected my whole being + the fact that I was facing other issues and when I tried to talk to other Arrow youths, they ignored me...
What I told Isaac (which he agreed is so true), I seriously think it's true that it's only when you're in their care group, they "act nice" with you... other than that, they just can't be bothered about you... they just make friends with you cuz you're their care group mate... How fake can that be... plastic friendships... rawr, it sucks... I hate to go for 4th service, I wanna go for others... yet I don't have a choice because of the gifts, next week is another week. Hell yeah I gotta go for 4th service again... another thing... I cannot deny... YES, I know that 1st / 2nd and 3rd /4th has different sets of praise & worship songs... I like 3rd / 4th's... Dear God, don't blame me for being choosy... BUT actually, I like all.. I just wanna jump during praise and worship...

I finally know and remember the recep lady at the counter, ALICE!
Cuz I always asked her for this and that, passing stuff... and she always saw me around there, talking to Rachel Chiang... at the JPR counter.. HEHE.
Oh, guess what... she worked with Charissa before... and asked me to send my regards to Charissa! I miss Charissa and the good old days, BIBLE STUDY! o.O

well, back to the sermon on "loneliness" again... guess I'm getting myself into sorts of fear...
I don't really care.. I refuse to talk... I want to go back to RSM... I cannot tell anyone...
I am facing a few issues... I refuse to talk to the leaders who come and ask whether I'm alright...
I am bugged by the past, still... I don't know whether I'm heading to the gates of doom...
Is it too long? I'm just in denial that the memory is still there, it hurts...

Will I go insane?